Why Workplace Narcissistic Abuse Can Be So Difficult to Explain
Why Workplace Narcissistic Abuse Can Be So Difficult to Explain
One of the most painful parts of workplace narcissistic abuse can be trying to explain it to someone who wasn't there.
You may tell a friend:
“My boss is destroying my confidence.”
And they respond:
“Then just quit.”
You may tell someone that you're being undermined.
They ask:
“Why doesn't HR do something?”
You may struggle to explain exactly what is happening because the individual incidents can sound insignificant when described one at a time.
But you know something is profoundly wrong.
You may sound “too emotional”
This is another cruel part of the dynamic.
After being repeatedly undermined, you may become understandably anxious.
You may cry.
You may struggle to articulate what happened.
You may become angry.
Then someone sees your emotional response without understanding what led to it.
They may conclude that you're the problem.
This can deepen your self-doubt.
You don't need everyone to understand
This can be an important part of recovery.
You may never get everyone to see what happened.
You may never get your boss to admit it.
You may never get every coworker to understand.
Healing can involve learning that your own understanding of your experience doesn't require universal agreement.
Your experience is worth exploring
If you are struggling to explain what happened at work, therapy can provide a place to slow down and make sense of it.
Together, you can look at the events, the patterns, your responses, and the impact the experience has had on you.
Sometimes simply having language for what you've experienced is the beginning of getting your power back.
You don't have to explain every detail perfectly for your experience to be real.
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The problem is often the pattern
Maybe your boss didn't scream at you.
Maybe they didn't openly threaten you.
Maybe they even complimented you in public.
But privately, they repeatedly undermined you.
They changed expectations.
Withheld information.
Questioned your competence.
Took credit for your work.
Blamed you for failures.
And then acted as though none of it happened.
Trying to explain all of that can be difficult.
You may even question yourself
Eventually, you may start wondering:
“Am I imagining this?”
“Am I too sensitive?”
“Maybe I really am difficult.”
That is why having a grounded outside perspective can be so valuable.
Not someone who automatically tells you that you're right.
Someone who can help you look carefully at the pattern.