What to Do When a Narcissistic Coworker Turns Others Against You
What to Do When a Narcissistic Coworker Turns Others Against You
One of the most isolating experiences in workplace narcissistic abuse is realizing that the conflict isn't staying between you and one person.
Suddenly, coworkers seem distant.
People who used to talk to you stop responding.
You hear that things are being said about you.
You may feel as though an invisible campaign is happening around you.
And you may have no idea how to respond.
This can be a form of social manipulation
In narcissistic dynamics, other people can sometimes become involved in the conflict.
Someone may present themselves as the victim.
They may selectively share information.
They may tell different versions of a story to different people.
They may recruit sympathetic coworkers.
Or they may subtly undermine your credibility without ever openly attacking you.
This can be incredibly difficult to prove and even harder to explain.
Don't immediately launch your own counter-campaign…
As tempting and justified as it may feel.
Your instinct may be to tell everyone what really happened.
You may want to warn coworkers.
You may want to expose the person.
Don’t. To the best of your ability, stay professional and focus on what you can control.
Identify trustworthy people
You don't need everyone to be on your side.
You need appropriate support.
That might include one or two trusted colleagues, a supervisor, HR, a professional mentor, or someone outside the workplace who can help you maintain perspective.
Choose carefully.
Protect your credibility through consistency
Continue doing your job.
Communicate professionally.
Keep appropriate documentation.
Avoid workplace gossip.
Don't give someone additional material that can be distorted or used against you.
You don't have to participate in the same tactics being used against you.
Remember that isolation can distort your perception
Get support from outside of your workplace.
When you're suddenly treated differently by multiple people, it can feel as though the entire workplace has turned against you.
That can be terrifying.
It can also make you question your own judgment.
Try to separate what you know from what you fear.
Who has actually said something?
What happened?
What do you have evidence for?
What are you assuming?
That distinction can help you remain grounded.
And remember: this is not a measure of your worth
Someone else's ability to influence workplace relationships doesn't determine your competence, character, or value.
You may need to make difficult decisions about whether to stay.
You may decide that the workplace is no longer healthy for you.
Or you may decide to remain and protect your position.
Whatever you decide, you don't have to make that decision from panic.
You don't have to win the workplace social battle. You have to protect your wellbeing, your reputation, and your ability to move forward.
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